Why is it important?
To really understand who your mom is and why she did the things she did in her life, you need to understand her, from her perspective. You need to get a feeling for what it was like when she was growing up—what were the expectations for her, for women, what were her hopes and dreams, how did she see the world, what has she learned, what does she regret…
And this is important because it is truly key to you finding your future and living a life you love. Your relationships and all that you hold from your childhood, affects your life in ways you will be surprised to discover. Your relationship with your mom is a big one.
What was it like when you were a kid?
Think back to when you were a child, what was it like? What did you believe? What did you want to be? How did you see the world?
Think of how you did things when you were a child, from phoning someone, to getting around, to traveling, to buying food, to cleaning… Things have changed a lot since then. Things are in many ways so much simpler but in other ways so much more complicated today.
Well when your mom was a child, things were pretty simple. Life was about food, clothing and housing. It was about finding a way to make sure that everyone in the family was fed, clothed and warm. It was a lot of hard work but really that was the main focus. Things have changed even more dramatically for your mom. It can be difficult to keep up with the changing times and all that it means. She may be struggling to understand a lot of what is happening and she may or may not like the direction things are going.
Your mom has worked hard throughout her life.
She is now at a point where she has some peace and quiet, where she doesn’t have a lot of demands on her. Both of which can be good but can also be stressful. She gets to decide. She grew up with the expectation of looking after others and doing all the work that entails. She may love that she has no demands and now has time to do things that matter to her. Or now she realizes she put all of that time and energy into you, her children, who don’t need her time and attention anymore, so she might be lost. She may be struggling to see her value.
Understand where she is coming from.
Just like your past played and still plays a huge impact on your life, well the same is true for your mom. Only when she was little the demands and expectations were pretty simple—get married, have kids and look after everyone. What she wanted or needed really didn’t factor into the equation. So if she sees her life based on this, then does she feel she did well or not so well. She may feel like she is being judged and that maybe she didn’t do so well. So she may struggle with looking at that time in her life. She was measured by how you, her children turned out. She wanted the best and did what she knew with what she had but she may feel like she has failed or that what she did was really insignificant.
So to really talk to your mom, you need to know what she grew up with. What was it like when she was a child—what was said to her, how did she see it, what did she believe her life was mean to be like… Really it’s time for you to do some reading and learn a bit about history. The more you understand and know about when she was little, which is a time she really relates to, the more you’ll have to talk with her about and the better you will have an appreciation for her life.