My goal is to help you grow, mend or heal your relationship with your mom. To do that you need to understand her life, her journey.
Your Mom’s Story, What do you Really Know?
What do you really know about your mom? Do you know what she liked to do as a child? Do you know the expectations of her growing up? Being a mom is amazing but there truly is a lot of pressure on women to get it right… the first time. Now imagine you grew up before the ’60’s, a time when there was a lot of oppression for women, with specific roles laid out for her and a whole lot of different expectations on how she’d do them.
Moms come in all shapes and sizes, beliefs, abilities, skills, knowledge…
some became Moms because they wanted to, some reluctantly, while others didn’t have a choice. Regardless of how or why she became a Mother, she really did want things to be better for you.
Moms are beautiful… this woman jumps into a role with no playbook, no rules and tries to wade through all the expectations that are out there. She’s trying to figure out who she is, how to raise her kids to be healthy, whole and make a positive difference in the world while juggling everything life throws at her. It is not easy. And as her kids we often just see her as Mom, the woman in our life who has guided us, who has pushed us, who has scolded us, who has tried to teach us, who’s hope was to raise responsible, respectable children. Not really an easy task. She did what she knew with what she had.
Our Moms are no different than we are
They had (and may still have) hopes, dreams, aspirations, good days, bad days, feeling they aren’t worthy…—and if they grew up before the 60’s they grew up in a time when women had certain expectations and roles they had to fulfill.
To connect to your mom, you need to go back in time, to her time, to when she grew up. It is when she is most connected to. Find those things that have meaning for her, those things she knows from when she was young and growing up. Start with generic things she can relate to—the telephone, doing laundry, transportation, community events… It might mean you need to learn some history—what was going on when she was a child, what were the conditions like, how did they heat their homes, how did they cook, where did they get their food, what did they get paid, how did they get around, what did they use for transportation, how did they do laundry, how did they communicate long distance, what was the community like, what was the weather like, what was school like, where did they get their clothes, what were the expectations of women (in her words), what was the political world like… No matter what generation she grew up in things have and do change very fast. Technology and all we do, how we do it and all we use, has changed a lot over the years.
Talk about the similarities and the differences in the times. What does she think about the progress? What does she miss from her old days?
Where to start.
To get to know your mom and understand her, you need to start having conversations with her. If you do not have a great relationship with her this might be difficult so start with some easy questions.
What was/is her favorite flower?
What was/is her favorite food?
What was/is her favorite smell?
What was/is her favorite color?
Did she have a pet as a child? Adult? What was it? What was its name?
When we reach old age, we should be happy, healthy, loving life, know we made a positive difference, know we matter and to feel connected. If possible let’s do that for our moms. I know not all relationships can be healed so if you can’t heal your relationship with your mother, for whatever reason, then heal it from your perspective. Our relationships with our moms affect our lives in ways we can’t often measure, so the more we are at peace with that connection, the healthier and happier we all will be.
Mom’s are amazing… but not perfect! Get to know who your mom really is.
Coming May 2018
“…it reaches far beyond dates of birth, marriage and death and into the heart and soul of a woman and her family…” Multi-Award-Winning Author P.M. Terrell
What do you really know about your Mom?
Do you know what her hopes, dreams and desires were? Did she live them?
Your mom is so much more than the woman who raised you. She grew up in a time very different from yours—there were different beliefs, habits, and ways of doing things. Your mom has seen a lot in her life, getting to hear her journey will help you to understand her in a whole new light. Now is the time get to know her and to document her life. The only way to find out about your mom’s story is to ask… because one day she won’t be there anymore.
When we reach old age we should know our lives mattered, that we mattered, that we are loved, happy and feel connected.
This book offers a way to start conversations between you and your mom—in particular, elderly mothers. It is a guide which provides questions to ask, as well as how and when to ask them. Use this as a way to grow, heal and/or mend the relationship between mom and child; preserve this woman’s journey through life and in particular her role as Mom. Her story is her legacy to you.
“…insightful questions with thought provoking examples and explanations…” Christine Jackson