Moms Archives - Glenna Mageau

My Interview with Spotlight on Your Business

My Interview with Author Spotlight

Recently I had the honor of being interviewed by Becky Norwood, of Spotlight Your Business.

We discussed my book, Do You Know Your Mom’s Story? 365 Questions You Need to Ask Her.

I share why I wrote it and what my hope is for it.

I had interviewed many women who were in their 80’s, 90’s and 100’s who back in their day had stepped outside the norm – they worked or got educated. That had to have taken a lot of guts. I learned a lot about their journey. The biggest surprise though? Was that they hadn’t shared their journey or their story with their children. That broke my heart. So much lost.

Women are amazing but especially Moms. Sadly though, many women, especially moms and especially the older moms don’t see their lives as all that important and they carry around guilt and shame and embarrassment and that which they were taught – not to brag. The times were such that women were taught to work, to do for others and to not really talk about it. And emotions weren’t seen as all that useful.

It is so important to get Moms to share their story – it is such a gift, such a legacy.

Bridge the gap, get to know your mom’s story.

To get your story down on paper, there are several ways to approach it. First thing, stop thinking, just write.

get your information down on paper, then you can fix it
do an interview, talk to someone and share your story
record your information
speak to type software

The key is to get it down on paper, then you have something to play with, something to build on.

Mom, She Taught You the Rules

by Glenna Mageau

Discover Your Mom’s Journey!

Mom, She Taught You the Rules

As she knew them.

Mom, she did what she knew with what she had.

Our moms are pretty amazing, they didn’t always get it right but they did try to teach us and make us into good human beings.

If you were born in the 50’s, 60’s or 70’s then you were born in a time of unrest and change. There was a demand by many that oppression stop and that there be a new way of life. The old way of being was starting to change… slowly

But… our moms grew up in a different time. They grew up when the expectation for a woman was to look after everyone, get married, have kids and… look after everyone. That was it. So our moms tried to teach us what they knew—manners and rules. After all that seemed to be the measure of whether you were a good person or not. So our moms taught us—please, thank you, yes, no, how to talk, when to talk, how to show up in public, how to dress depending on what we were doing (Sunday Best vs play clothes), how to eat properly, how to sit, how to show respect for others, what was considered acceptable and what wasn’t, what words to use and not use… the list goes on.

Image was everything.

People wanted something different

She was trying to do this in a time of change, when people wanted something different. Your mom might have even been one of the ones pushing for that change—peace and love, not war. Or she might have just gone about her work. Either way, she still had the old ways ingrained in her as did society. So it was a real struggle to figure out what was right and what wasn’t.

Unfortunately for kids, all those lessons, rules, and manners that we were taught, actually taught us something else—our self worth. Too often as kids, what we saw was that we weren’t measuring up, we weren’t good enough. We had trouble getting all the rules right and when we were supposed to use all those manners. We just kept getting reminded of what we were supposed to do and how we were supposed to show up… meaning we were lacking.

Our moms taught us what they knew and what they believed to be right.

So what does this mean for you? It means that it is time to look at your relationship with your mom, differently. She didn’t teach you those things to make you feel less than, her intention was to show you how to let others know you were a good person. You have to remember that she grew up in a time when the measure of her self worth was in how good her kids showed up in the world. It had nothing to do with your self worth, it had to do with her teaching what she thought would help to make you a good person.

What she didn’t know and not many of that time did was that kids are already good. Kids just needed time to be kids, without rules and regulations. Kids just needed time and attention and love. Unfortunately, it was also a time when moms didn’t know how to say ‘I love you’. It just wasn’t said, really by anyone. So your mom may not have said it but she did try to show it. One of the ways she tried to show it was by teaching you the rules and manners that were so important in the day. Or she showed it by all the things she did—the meals she made, the clothes she made you…

She did what she knew with what she had. Sometimes she got it right and sometimes she didn’t. The truth is that one of the most important things you can do for you mom, is to take time to get to know her, understand her journey. It can make all the difference to you.

Have ‘The Talk’ with your mom, today!

Start the conversation today.

Taking the time to get your mom's story.

It is the best gift.

Learn More

Glenna Mageau, Multi-Award Winning Author & Speaker

Glenna is the author of heart-touching and humorous nonfiction (Glenna Mageau) and suspense/thrillers (Maggie Thom).

Glenna has always had a love of writing. She first discovered her love of words when she started cutting them out of books. Cat in the Hat was her first victim. When she started cutting words out of books her mom was reading, that's when she learned she could write her own words. She wrote her first book at age of 9. Unfortunately, she took a detour from writing and instead got a degree in Kineseology and then worked in a career that she loved. After getting married and having children she realized she was a long way from her dream. She started the journey back towards it. She published her first book in 2012 and hasn't looked back since.

Since then she has won several awards for her writing.

I don’t know a lot about my dad’s story. It is something I regret.

The expectations of her as a child shaped who she is.

It’s time to discover her story.

Discover Your Mom’s Journey

by Glenna Mageau

Yes! I want to discover my mom's story.

“…it reaches far beyond dates of birth, marriage and death and into the heart and soul of a woman and her family…” Multi-Award-Winning Author P.M. Terrell

What do you really know about your Mom?

Do you know what her hopes, dreams and desires were? Did she live them?

Your mom is so much more than the woman who raised you. She grew up in a time very different from yours—there were different beliefs, habits, and ways of doing things. Your mom has seen a lot in her life, getting to hear her journey will help you to understand her in a whole new light. Now is the time get to know her and to document her life. The only way to find out about your mom’s story is to ask… because one day she won’t be there anymore.

When we reach old age we should know our lives mattered, that we mattered, that we are loved, happy and feel connected.

This book offers a way to start conversations between you and your mom—in particular, elderly mothers. It is a guide which provides questions to ask, as well as how and when to ask them. Use this as a way to grow, heal and/or mend the relationship between mom and child; preserve this woman’s journey through life and in particular her role as Mom. Her story is her legacy to you.

“…insightful questions with thought provoking examples and explanations…” Christine Jackson

Why understanding your mom’s journey is important?

Your relationship with your mom might be affecting your life in more ways than you realize.

How well do you know your mom’s story—why she made some decisions she did, what she really wanted in life, what she regrets…

Understanding your mom will give you a whole new perspective on her and on your own life.

Help your mom understand the importance of her life.

Your mother is an amazing woman, she may not know that, though. All women are amazing, but Moms really do hold a special place. The truth is being a Mom is a journey and not always an easy one. There is so much to do and really there is no ‘rule book’ on how you are to raise this little one that is now so dependent on you. Your mom might have gotten most of it right, she may have only gotten some of it right or she may have really struggled as a mom but do you know why she made the decisions she did… why she had the struggles she did… what made her happy… what she truly believed about herself.

My goal is to help you grow, mend or heal your relationship with your mom.

Getting to know your mom will not only be a gift to her but to you as well. It will help you to understand who this woman really is and it will help you to understand who you are and the decisions you have made in your life.

When we reach old age, we should be happy, healthy, loving life,

know we made a positive difference, know we matter and to feel connected. If possible let’s do that for our moms. I know not all relationships can be healed so if you can’t heal your relationship with your mother, for whatever reason, then heal it from your perspective. Our relationships with our moms affect our lives in ways we can’t often measure, so the more we are at peace with that connection, the healthier and happier we all will be.

Start the conversation today.

Taking the time to get your mom's story.

It is the best gift.

Learn More

Glenna Mageau, Multi-Award Winning Author & Speaker

Glenna is the author of heart-touching and humorous nonfiction (Glenna Mageau) and suspense/thrillers (Maggie Thom).

Since then she has won several awards for her writing.

To Connect with Your Mom, You Have to go Back in Time

by Glenna Mageau

Why is it important?

To really understand who your mom is and why she did the things she did in her life, you need to understand her, from her perspective. You need to get a feeling for what it was like when she was growing up—what were the expectations for her, for women, what were her hopes and dreams, how did she see the world, what has she learned, what does she regret…

And this is important because it is truly key to you finding your future and living a life you love. Your relationships and all that you hold from your childhood, affects your life in ways you will be surprised to discover. Your relationship with your mom is a big one.

The key to your happiness and your future might be in getting to know your mom.

What was it like when you were a kid?

Think back to when you were a child, what was it like? What did you believe? What did you want to be? How did you see the world?

Think of how you did things when you were a child, from phoning someone, to getting around, to traveling, to buying food, to cleaning… Things have changed a lot since then. Things are in many ways so much simpler but in other ways so much more complicated today.

Well when your mom was a child, things were pretty simple. Life was about food, clothing and housing. It was about finding a way to make sure that everyone in the family was fed, clothed and warm. It was a lot of hard work but really that was the main focus. Things have changed even more dramatically for your mom. It can be difficult to keep up with the changing times and all that it means. She may be struggling to understand a lot of what is happening and she may or may not like the direction things are going.

Your mom has worked hard throughout her life.

She is now at a point where she has some peace and quiet, where she doesn’t have a lot of demands on her. Both of which can be good but can also be stressful. She gets to decide. She grew up with the expectation of looking after others and doing all the work that entails. She may love that she has no demands and now has time to do things that matter to her. Or now she realizes she put all of that time and energy into you, her children, who don’t need her time and attention anymore, so she might be lost. She may be struggling to see her value.

Understand where she is coming from.

Just like your past played and still plays a huge impact on your life, well the same is true for your mom. Only when she was little the demands and expectations were pretty simple—get married, have kids and look after everyone. What she wanted or needed really didn’t factor into the equation. So if she sees her life based on this, then does she feel she did well or not so well. She may feel like she is being judged and that maybe she didn’t do so well. So she may struggle with looking at that time in her life. She was measured by how you, her children turned out. She wanted the best and did what she knew with what she had but she may feel like she has failed or that what she did was really insignificant.

So to really talk to your mom, you need to know what she grew up with. What was it like when she was a child—what was said to her, how did she see it, what did she believe her life was mean to be like… Really it’s time for you to do some reading and learn a bit about history. The more you understand and know about when she was little, which is a time she really relates to, the more you’ll have to talk with her about and the better you will have an appreciation for her life.

She did what she knew with what she had.

Start the conversation today.

Taking the time to get your mom's story.

It is the best gift.

Learn More

Glenna Mageau, Multi-Award Winning Author & Speaker

Glenna is the author of heart-touching and humorous nonfiction (Glenna Mageau) and suspense/thrillers (Maggie Thom).

Since then she has won several awards for her writing.

Getting to know my mom, changed my life.

The expectations of her as a child shaped who she is.

It’s time to discover her story.

Mom Won’t Tell Me Her Story

by Glenna Mageau

Getting your mom to talk about herself, her life and her journey, may not be all that easy. She may be willing to share all of it, some of it or none of it. So what do you do if she won’t share?

I think one of the saddest things I’ve seen in my career and in my life is that many people are reaching old age and they aren’t happy, they don’t feel connected and they don’t feel they matter. I find this especially true for women.

That’s not how it’s supposed to be.

When we reach old age we should love life, be thrilled with what we’ve done, what we’ve accomplished. Unfortunately, not many of us are brought up to think about ourselves. Women are taught from a young age to look after others, make sure everyone else’s needs are met, then if you have any time or energy you can worry about yourself. The reason I’m sharing this with you is because this is key to why your mom might not share.

To really understand your mom, you have to go back in time.

First I have a question for you.

How much do you share about your life… with anyone? Do you have a good friend you talk to? If you have children, have you shared any of your journey with them? Have you ever talked with your mom about your life—the good, the bad and the ugly?

The truth is that many of us don’t. We might share part of it with someone but we often don’t go into what our hopes, dreams, desires, failures, mistakes, awful things that happened. We don’t share how it made us feel.

…sometimes it is because we want to distance ourselves from it,

…sometimes we don’t want to open up that hope of doing something different,

…sometimes we don’t see it as important,

…sometimes we feel guilt,

…sometimes we feel shame,

…sometimes it still hurts,

…we worry someone will take what we tell them and use it against us

…sometimes it’s because we don’t see ourselves as worthy.

Well, your mom probably feels the same way.

Let me take you back in time.

If you grew up in the 50’s, 60’s or 70’s, you grew up in a time when things were starting to change but in particular for women. It was becoming more the norm for women to work or be educated but it was still a small percentage of women who were doing this, (in the workforce in 1950’s less than 25% of women, to the 1990’s 76%; in 1950’s post secondary education for women <20% to the 1990’s 50%). So you know it was a time when people started wanting more, women started standing up for their rights and demanding and wanting more.

BUT…

You were raised by parents who grew up in a different generation, it was back when really the main expectation for women was to marry, have kids and look after everyone else. So imagine your mom, she grew up with this role, this expectation. Even if she was one of those women who stepped outside the norm and worked or got educated, that belief was still very strong and part of the societal norm and expectation.

And your mom was raised by parents who grew up in a time of even more oppression for women.

What does that all mean?

It means that if you want to understand your mom and to get her to talk about her life, you need to understand what beliefs and expectations she grew up with. You need to go back in time to her time. She probably was taught that everyone comes first before her; that things like emotions weren’t helpful; that there wasn’t time to think about yourself there was work to do; that she was just a woman and her opinion wasn’t all that important; that you just don’t talk about yourself; that she had to get things right the first time.

This didn’t happen in all cases but there was still the prevalence of this mentality and belief. So your mom had a lot of stress with trying to make sure that everyone was taken care of, she became the peacemaker, the homemaker, the cook, the cleaner, the keeper of the house… whew that’s exhausting. Plus she lived in a time when there wasn’t time to do much else because that took all day and all the energy she probably had.

What did she learn?

That her journey wasn’t all that important. She could do things that would make positive change for others but don’t talk about it as that was ‘bragging’. So she didn’t learn to talk about herself and she didn’t learn to see the value in who she was. Her value was determined by how her kids showed up in the world. So she spent a lot of time, trying to get that right. She spent a lot of time looking after everything… but not herself.

So when you ask her about her life and she won’t share, know that it’s not about you, it’s about what she learned.

It might be up to you to teach her.